You're so deep, I can't even see you.

- Wednesday, June 18, 2008

STEX: shortened version of the words"soon-to-be-ex-husband".

- Monday, June 9, 2008

I believe I could potentially become a great air guitar player. I just don’t have the discipline to learn how to play it.

- Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Why I Never Changed My Last Name

1. love my family name, don’t see why I should have to change it

2. hate his family name (Dildar, like for reals??? Yeah, I would want to be known as Mrs. Dildo)

3.it’s just too much paperwork to fill out in order to change it back

Why is it a good thing that my ex and I never had a baby?

He would have wanted the baby to be named Ana/Hannah, if it was a girl (really original, dumbass), or Humza (what the muck?!) if a boy. Me? I would have named my little baby- Bagina. Bagina Dildar. Sounds good to me.

Why I should never drink again like I did on my 29th birthday

1.I can’t hold my liquor (got terribly sick)

2.I think most fruity drinks are yummy and forget they have tons of hidden alcohol

3.I’ll drink like it’s water, if I’m thirsty

4.I believe mixing is fun. Started with Sangria at dinner, then moved on to 2 pina coladas, a very non-pink cosmo, a tequila shot (that was not good), something called a BJ, and whatever else was offered to me at a local police hangout

5.Exposed my collarbone to some guy who was taking a picture of my girlfriends and I, but wanted some boobage

6.Had my best-friend grab my face and slip me a wet one right on the lips (that was actually pretty nice!)

7.Spent a lot of time with my head glued to the ladies’ room sink. My forehead was tender for a looooong time

8.At some point, ended up in the men’s bathroom (still have nightmares over those “cake” thingies)

9.Winked, inappropriately, at pretty much everyone in the bar, whilst giving the thumbs up (president-style), sucking my teeth, and slurring “yeah”.

- Some years ago, I can't really recall

At work...

...in an elevator on my way back from lunch and being outside, looking like a disgruntled squirrel whose nuts were stolen, hair whipped by strong wind, dark undereye circles and sniffling nose from allergy affliction, with my work friends, upon hearing our company's investors were still in the building:

"They're still here??? [pointing and waving finger at myself from head to toe] I can't keep up with this beautiness all day!!!

- Sometime in May, 2008

Email from M, a good friend of mine: "Thank you! YOU are a Life Saver!!!!"

My email response: "Ok, but what flavor?"

- Wednesday, April 30th, 2008

Referring to my brassiere... "Hooter Holder".

- Friday, April 25th, 2008, after having a huge mojito.

He's the perfect toy, but his battery ran out.

- August 13th, 2007

I've got a fire under my tushy, and it's not hemorrhoids.

- July 26th, 2007

I woke up with dry mouth...I must have Frenched the pillow last night.

- July 10th, 2007